5 years ago today, my first baby girl, was born, took one breath, and went to be with Jesus. We named her "Grace", but I usually refer to her as "Gracie" or "Gracie-baby." Today is a hard day. I cried on the phone with my Mom last night, I cried when I showed up to Pilates this morning. I cried when my sister called, her son is buried right next to Grace. I cried thinking about writing this blog. There is some deep emotion that is surfacing today, my sister and I figure it's because your memory goes back to that sad day and those intense feelings and memories start bubbling up again.
However, these feelings of sadness really are rare. Of course they would come up today, but the amazing thing is that a heart and a spirit really can heal over time. I remember my Mom putting her arm around me at Gracie's funeral and telling me I'd be amazed how I would feel in a year. I thought she was crazy. I thought I'd never feel normal again. One year later, almost to the exact minute she would have been speaking those words to me, my second daughter, Elliana, was born! We named her Elliana, which (although spelled a bit differently) means "My God has answered me."
And my God has answered me. This morning, through a blur of tears, Elliana jumped into bed with us, so I went and grabbed Ellie's sister, Mallory Grace and all snuggled together as a family. Missing one, but making plans to grab some balloons and head to the cemetary after work. My heart was full and overwhelmed with love. Love for my kids, my husband, and filled with God's love, and His grace.
Let's Connect!
Ceci
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8 comments:
I know the pain you're feeling today. When I heard you speak of celebrating your daughter's birth and death on the same day, I immediately went back fifteen years when my daughter, too, was born and died on the same day. I also had a wonderful blessing of a son less than a year later and couldn't imagine a life without him and his two brothers. The pain has dulled, but I will never get over the loss. And I cannot wait to meet her in heaven someday. Praying for you today,
Susan
CeCi~
You and Dave are in our prayers today!
Dan and Gretchen
Ceci-
I am praying for you today. I heard you mention this on the radio and instantly had tears and then had to read your blog. I don't know you at all, but have been listening to JQ forever and have thought of you as "my friend" since you first started there. I have two little boys- 2 1/2 and 1. I have no idea what you went through and continue to go thru now. I do know however the love of a mommy and can only imagine the pain that must be. I am so grateful for the God we have. He is good. Praise Him for bringing you this far. I am thinking of you today and crying with you - for some reason this hit an emotional spot. Thanks for sharing your story with all of us and letting us pray for you and love you thru it!
Meredith
Ceci -
I am so glad we are where we are today instead of 5 years ago. We have learned a lot over the past few years. I am just glad that Grace and James are in Heaven and we will see them again and it will seem like we didn't miss them at all. Have a good day today, cry as much as you want to, and give Ellie and Mallory a hug from Aunt Carrie!
What a sad, yet beautiful story... sad because of the tremendous heartache you must have endured (and still do), but beautiful because of the "grace" you now have. Your faith in Christ pours out in your words and is such a blessing to your listeners (readers). I'm sure your little Gracie is in heaven as one of God's special angels looking out for your family every day!
Peace!
You and your family are in my prayers!
even though I am new to the family, I know that in all things God works for the good to those who love him. In him you will find rest. So on this day of many emotions, just know God is watching over you, holding you. Casting all your cares pon him, for he cares for you. I'll be praying for you,
your future bro....
ryan
What a beautiful hope we have in knowing our babies are dancing around the river of life with their maker. It is not just words spoken but a truth that we know we will see them again and forever.
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